highlights
<<January 04, 2004 - Sunday, 10:13 pm>>

I'm feeling anxious. Something I'm supposed to do. Something I forgot to do. Something I missed out on. Somebody doesn't like me..

I dunno.

I want sausage.

The sausage I had at my Granny's house the morning I woke up there after being out with my cousins until two am. Six of us. We're all grown up now. It was sweet. I don't think I stayed over at that house since my father passed away. And in my old favorite bed, too. With the foam mattress. Sleep can't get any better than that..

I've been away for two weeks. Seeing my cousins as a whole again was definitely one of the highlights of my vacation. Even though I was very nervous most of the time. When subject turned to me, I really didn't have answers prepared for the questions I received. Too many secrets and embarrassing truths. I need to come up with a cover story that will make me sound less crazy and unstable. Or something. I hesitated, my voice cracked, and I spoke very low when I tried to answer their questions..

Christmas day was a lovely day spent at home. It's amazing how fast it creeped up. I was barely prepared.

New Year's Eve was spent watching rented movies with an old best friend and her family. Very low-key. We didn't even stop the movie to watch the ball drop or anything. Had one beer. Very nasty-tasting beer [rolling rock]. The highlights, I think, were the cigarette breaks outside. Cigarette breaks are the nicest thing about smoking. A catalyst for bonding.

I was hoping for a very crazy New Year's. Where I'm at a loud crazy party, packed with piss-ass drunk people. And I'm piss-ass drunk myself. Dancing and marveling in the ruckus. And when the clock struck twelve, I would kiss a stranger that I barely knew.

But.. I guess I don't know the right people to make such a fantasy come true..

*sigh*

I was hoping to see a lot of my old friends while on my vacation. I was hoping for a girls' night out where we get silly drunk and sleep over at someone's house. I was really hoping to re-connect with my old friends. Because.. I mean.. you can't be that close if you're not even the type of friends that you exchange xmas gifts with anymore...

I, at least, sent everyone a card.. It's sad, though..

But.. I only got to see each of my friends once. Just once. Out of two weeks. I got sick, though, and I would be tired.. And other people were doing other things..

*shrug*

what can ya do?

~*~

Tomorrow.. a new semester begins. I'm a bit apprehensive, after last semester's disaster. I hope I get the place to myself this semester..

'Tis what I need..

:/

LJ

step back - push forward

dearcynthia}}




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