who knows
<<February 24, 2004 - Tuesday, 11:26 pm>>

*sigh*

...

*shrug*

yes, the drive home was the moment. but.. i haven't been able to fully capture the feeling of that moment since. and, again.. i feel like i'm retreating back into my shell. afraid to speak up. barely audible when i do speak. hardly playful. too serious. too slow..

too afraid..

i've jumbled up familiarity. even with losing something you hate [not to say i hate this person, but i hated the situation - still do], there's still a sense of loss. because it was something you were used to. and it just kinda leaves me scratchin' my head and sayin' to myself, "well, uh... what now?"

i dunno.. i think.. having people, family questioning my action.. saying it's a "mistake".. well, that sorta undermines my confidence. even though i know in my heart that this is what i HAVE to do. for my sanity. for my soul. for my life. and they don't know the whole situation. anyone who i did confide in had advised me to get out a long, long time ago.. and then.. talking with anyone now.. it almost seems common sense that i never should have put up with as much as i did in the first place..

so.. it's good..

just feels weird..

but in a good way.

LJ

step back - push forward

dearcynthia}}




Lately:
-January 16, 2017
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ok i will say something elseSeptember 24, 2006
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reaching outJuly 16, 2006