*sigh*
...
*shrug*
yes, the drive home was the moment. but.. i haven't been able to fully capture the feeling of that moment since. and, again.. i feel like i'm retreating back into my shell. afraid to speak up. barely audible when i do speak. hardly playful. too serious. too slow..
too afraid..
i've jumbled up familiarity. even with losing something you hate [not to say i hate this person, but i hated the situation - still do], there's still a sense of loss. because it was something you were used to. and it just kinda leaves me scratchin' my head and sayin' to myself, "well, uh... what now?"
i dunno.. i think.. having people, family questioning my action.. saying it's a "mistake".. well, that sorta undermines my confidence. even though i know in my heart that this is what i HAVE to do. for my sanity. for my soul. for my life. and they don't know the whole situation. anyone who i did confide in had advised me to get out a long, long time ago.. and then.. talking with anyone now.. it almost seems common sense that i never should have put up with as much as i did in the first place..
so.. it's good..
just feels weird..
but in a good way.
LJ