So.. i dunno..
becoming more and more indecisive and unsure. i've crawled back into my shell, and i can't seem to quite fully get myself back out. like nudging a sleeping baby to open its eyes. but it persistently resists. it's frustrating.
talking feels like trying to speak steadily while riding on a radically bumpy road. it's going to be an effort any way you look at it, not to mention the racket you'd have to try to speak above. it's awkward. and it almost seems not worth it. i keep wanting to give up, but i keep wanting to try.
but.. in relating to people and trying to be social.. it feels like i've lost my footing, in a way. my tracking, my groove. 'don't have a steady ground, no firm footing. i have to stop being afraid to take up space. i have a heavy load, but being afraid to share it makes it seem all the more heavier.
LJ