fluid, flowing
<<March 01, 2004 - Monday, 6:53 pm>>

zoloft is good. i like it. i'm not sure if it's exactly zoloft, but.. if not, it's something similar. SG gave me three pills. Because he knows I'll abuse. but i won't, i swear! i'm not trying to get fucked up or loopy. just trying to feel okay. that's all i want.

so the first half of my day felt constrained, uncomfortable, uneasy. afraid to speak up, avoiding, etc., etc.

then i took a pill at home after work. and went back outside. suddenly i can talk to people. what the poo? and i like the way it happens. i'm approaching someone i know in my walk on campus.. usually, i'd just muster a "hi" or wave and that's it. but this afternoon, i found myself with something to say without having to think of it first. it just came out! and my inhibitors weren't there to stop me from speaking.

fluid, flowing, that's how i like it. and that's what i keep striving for.

i even asked the teacher questions during my exam today. usually, i NEVER do that. in fact, i haven't done that since high school, taking tests for Ms.Noyes. She's the only one i felt comfortable with asking questions, especially since asking her questions helped me so much in her classes [calculus, algebra, etc.]

but.. this being able to talk.. it's nifty stuff.

LJ

step back - push forward

dearcynthia}}




Lately:
-January 16, 2017
ChicagoMarch 19, 2011
ok i will say something elseSeptember 24, 2006
i still love youSeptember 24, 2006
reaching outJuly 16, 2006