we get these pills to swallow
<<March 02, 2004 - Tuesday, 8:00 pm>>

for those concerned, thank you... i know. i'm definitely not looking to pills as the answer, nowhere near it. just a temporary solution because it's been a bad time, nerve-wise, emotionally. and nothing else was helping. absolutely nothing, and the levels of discomfort and inability to interact was getting ridiculous. perhaps it's inside me, perhaps i do have a chemical imbalance. it just didn't making any fucking sense to me that as i was approaching my freedom, i was ecstatic, but now having the change, it left me to retreat back in my shell. i don't want to retreat, i want to embrace the long-overdue change i finally made. and.. the fact that i saw no reason for my reaction was just boggling my mind and making my discomfort all the more frustrating.

in high school, i turned down pills when the therapist adamently recommended it. even went so far as to tell me that there was no point to continue therapy unless i went on medication. you hear about how it makes people change and all that.. so.. i dunno. tomorrow, while my current counselor isn't authorized to prescribe medication, i'm going to discuss possible options. maybe i'll drop this idea, but maybe it's worth pursuing.

it's been a long fucking road. i just don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life.

it's just amazing, the difference, though....

LJ

step back - push forward

dearcynthia}}




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