how long we have waited for you
<<March 07, 2004 - Sunday, 1:22 am>>

so i have an appointment with the psychiatrist on thursday.

i like where this is going.

oh, but except for the part where i mucked up on picking out my appointment time. either i have to call monday to push it to a later time, if at all possible. or.. i'd have to leave class early or skip class entirely, which wouldn't be too good for my already lacking participation points. it's a long drive to the main campus. i wouldn't wait to be late.

i had taken another pill wednesday when i went for my psychologist appointment, so i was quite elated in discussing these matters freely. we touched a lot of points directly, points that we had mostly been beating around the bush for previously. i felt like things were finally going somewhere.

he discussed possible social anxiety disorder, possible avoidant personality. i wasn't surprised. the psychiatrist, though, will be the judge of the diagnosis and whether or not i start medication.

eh. in some ways, i was just waiting for someone to confirm my suspicions. and here.. i might finally be doing something about it. about the problems that have been plaguing my head for as long as i can remember.

i told him, in more detail that i would normally tell a story, what happened after taking the pill. about the ways i could interact with people like i couldn't before.

and this is an afterthought of what it was like:

before pill: mental constipation
after pill: mental diarhea

eh. not to be gross, but just to give an idea in terms of how things would flow..

but.. i really liked the way my psychologist put it: it was like i had found my natural voice.

and that's exactly it.

it's been here, silent all these years, as tori says.

*shrug*

...

my brain is drained from studying all day. i can't do this feeling justice.

footnote:
oh. and just to reiterate for the anti-pill people: pills are not the answer. pills are an aid. they are meant to help, not solve. they aid in giving a boost. they help in areas where one has become blocked. and they aid especially in therapy, in getting to the issues that need to be dealt with.

LJ

step back - push forward

dearcynthia}}




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