i'm tired. i'm gone.
i'm wearing a thong.
...
yeah.. about that, trying to get used to it. in some ways, it feels sexy. but i have to keep reminding myself that's not a wedgie, and not to pick it. digs deeper when i bend over. at the same time, it feels freer in my pants.
my loose jeans that were once tight. having trouble keeping pants that fit these days. it's a good thing.
i'm also wearing a tight black long-sleeved shirt. i feel very svelte in it. that with my glasses, i feel artistic and distinguished.
or something.
today's the day..
i'm stressing out about that more than i need to. at the same time, i'm stressing about classes. my concentration and commitment is gone. slipping, slipping..
i don't know what to do. i don't know what i want to do. spring break is too far away. i don't know how i'm going to make it through next week. 'don't know how i'm going to make it through this weekend. with the stuff that's due..
i keep trusting and counting on my brain to come through for me, but it never works out like that.
*sigh*
skating around the truth who i am.. but i know that the ice is getting thin..
thank you for that, tori. those words filtered in my consciousness at just the right time.
and now lynard skynard's telling me that tuesday's gone. with the wind. i couldn't agree more.
[sorry. just listenin' to music here..]
uhm...
yeah.
the loneliness is closing in on me. it's amazing - three, four years of being down here and i don't really have any friends in miami. sure, there was that week where suddenly i had people up and down inviting me to stuff. but that's gone. i find it mostly my fault. because i wasn't good on following through. 'probably should've taken the opportunities when they were there. but.. i don't know if i'd feel up to being with people now anyway. i'd be making friends to have good times with.
but what about the melancholy times? i want friends i can be melancholy with, too. but i never feel free enough to take the chance and burden another person with that. and if i do try.. i always make it out to seem a lot less worse than it really is. like i've got it all under control and my head is on straight. 'don't need anyone else's help. any advice i would get would just bounce right off me. i'm too closed up like that.
because danielle.. she's got it all under control. her head's on straight. she can handle anything. no one and nothing can affect her.
yeah. right.
LJ