well.. today was an interesting day.. i talked more to people for some reason. i don't know where this is coming from. and i stopped taking the meds already.
the computers at work were down for quite a while, so a bunch of us were just sitting around, waiting while the tech guys worked to get rid of some virus. i've been talking more with my temporary supervisor, zukina. and i found out that she's going to italy this summer. so exciting. my family is from sicily, and italy is definitely someplace i want to go someday. i want to do the whole back-packing in europe thing. so, when someone tells me they're going to italy, i'm instantly animated with conversation and questions. it's like you found my excitement button or something. so we chatted about that outside on the bench, while waiting for the computers to be back up. and we chatted about the fair that was down here a few weeks ago.. and.. other stuff.. i dunno, i just kept coming up with things to say or ask.
and then.. there's this girl that also works in the office with us that i've always admired from afar. like, she just seems like a really, really cool chick. but i never knew what to say to her. finally, while sitting around and being bored, i was presented with the opportunity of something to say, and went ahead and did so: "I like your shirt," I said. [a perfect circle t-shirt] Those were my first words ever spoken to her. and, well, i suppose that started something.
because, then later, as i was sitting back at the bench outside smoking a cigarette, she was walking back from somewhere, maybe getting a snack or drink, i dunno, and she asked me for a cigarette. so she sat with me, and.. conversation broke out. she's a talkative girl once you break the barrier. lots of questions 'n stuff. and i found out that her boyfriend's brother is in a perfect circle, and she was talking about their strained relationship and all this.. and then, as we walked back inside, she said she'd tell me when there's a local show coming up next.
all this.. it's like i broke through some plastic bubble or something.
and words are gifts. gifts to be shared and exchanged back and forth. and.. often, i guess i don't speak because i feel like my gift isn't good enough. and, even more, that i'm not worthy of such a gift to receive from someone else. i mean, like, wow.. what would make me so special that someone would want to give me their attention, learn things about me, and then impart personal information about their life..? even more, to suggest the possibility of a future such encounter in a different setting..? to offer one's company..?
i dunno. i guess i'm just a bit taken aback.
at the same time, my head is very fuzzy about all this.
LJ