my grandparents told me already that i'm too skinny. i secretly smile. i want to waste away. become skin and bones. not because it's "fashionable" or i have issues with my body image - which i don't. but because.. to be that skin and bones, it says something. to me, at least. see how much of an empty shell i am.
i still take the most delight in the back of my palms. i can see the veins and the cartilege. i could stare at it for hours upon end as i twist my hands and fingers every which way.
less is more.
that's my new motto. less of a body. less belongings. i already started sorting through my clothes. it's tough. making decisions like that for the rest of your life. i'll pick up a shirt and i have a long dialogue in my head about it.
"you haven't worn this shirt in two years."
"yeah, but.. it's got a really cute pattern on the front. what if i really want to wear it one day..?"
"no, but the material it's made out of is crappy.."
etc., etc.
finally, the decision is made that, if i even have a doubt about it, just toss it. because.. "less is more." the less i tie myself down with, the more free i shall be. or something like that.
the clutter around here, my parents' home, is very draining. not too mention the heat and humidity. last night i was wishing we lived underwater. like spongebob. which i don't watch. but i bet it's pretty cool underwater. and refreshing.
but anyway.. this summer is about weeding out/simplifying.. and learning to play piano. my old best friend is gonna teach me, i'm so excited. she told me i better practice or she's gonna crack the whip. she said she can be a real hard-driving bitch. i was just like "woo, a new side of jaclyn that i get to see.."
LJ