my brother asked me last nite if i ever experienced the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.
i told him, 'yeah, i think so..'
and then he said, 'that means you haven't. because you would know for sure if you had..
all this time i thought i sorta had butterflies in my stomach, but never until now did i know what it really felt like,' he said.
but then i got to thinking about it, because surely i've felt butterflies before. it's just.. it's been so long, and i don't fully remember the feeling.
and i explained to him there are a lot of things i don't remember from being in love. for instance, after breaking up with SG and michael.. they would ask me about things, things we've done or said when we were together.. and i would draw a complete blank. i honestly couldn't remember what they were talking about.
as if.. to cope with falling out of love, my brain would block out the feelings and memories of being in love. but it's not a conscious effort at all. it just.. happened that way.
he said that made sense, but i don't know if it fully does to me.
my brain just takes initiative and does things like that to me. it would be nice if it could ask permission first: "hey, danielle.. would you like these memories to be stored for later retrieval?"
"yes, please."
"woopsy. it seems i already emptied the recycle bin."
"you bastard."
but maybe my brain knows best.. i just don't like seeming insensitive and cheapening something that once really meant a lot to me.. when, really, i just can't remember. and i don't have control over it.
LJ