i was devising this entry in my head while making a drive to tampa the other day. my best thoughts seem to occur while i'm driving. and it's times like those when i really need a tape recorder to somehow get my thoughts down before i lose them. i also think that recording thoughts like that would help me to better express myself verbally. see if it really can come out of my mouth the way it sounds in my head.
but let's see if this entry can still flow now..
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i'll admit, as i watched the plane land into chicago.. the city getting closer and closer as i looked out the window.. there was a moment of panic.
what the hell do i think i'm doing? who exactly is this person that i'm going to meet and spend a whole week with? we had one fabulous night together.. what makes me think that it could last for a week long? maybe i should've just kept that night the way it was, cherish the memory, and not have it marred by any potential disaster..
what if we got sick of each other? what if a problem occured, and he really couldn't stand to see the sight of me for the rest of the week? what then? i'd be stuck wandering a city i knew nothing of until i could get back on the plane and get home.. or, what if i became disappointed with what i saw, and couldn't find myself caring much for him anymore..? what if i became annoyed or irritated by him..? what if i became uncomfortable with him? what if we were uncomfortable with each other? what if it became painful to even be there..?
at the very least, i thought, i'd get to see a city i've never been to before.
then i got off the plane, and there was more panic. where is he? where is he going to try to meet me? i went downstairs and waited for my luggage. still no sign of him. i finally picked up my suitcase and waited around some more. what if i walked right by him and didn't recognize him..? a half an hour or so must have gone by. what if he didn't recognize me..? i debated what i should do. i was lost in a completely unfamiliar airport set in a completely unfamiliar city and with no one around to guide me. i've never flown alone on a plane before or tried to make my own way through an airport. all this was very new.
i didn't think to bring his cell number. but i thought i'd call up my parents from a pay phone and see if i could get it from them because it's on the caller ID. i called collect. it was late; they didn't answer. so i hung up the phone, looked around some more, and thought about what i should do from there. maybe try to reach my brother on his cell..?
but then i saw him walking by and i called out his name.
he walked over, a bit relieved, i think. he was upstairs, told to wait in the wrong place.. and he instantly gave me such a tight hug that melted away any concerns or worries i had.
and i knew i'd be okay from there.
but i still found it a bit hard to catch my breath at first.
on one of the days i ventured alone, i was walking around trying to find something interesting in water tower place. i found a souvenier store. and i browsed through.. eventually i came to a display of shot glasses. the first one i noticed was a tilted shot glass with the words "chicago blew me away." reference to the windy city, of course. i thought it was clever. and i stood there in front of the display for several minutes, trying to decide between that one and a few other shot glass designs. i ended up not opting for that one because it - the font, color, and style - wasn't aesthetically pleasing enough for me. and i'm big on that. but maybe i should have gotten that one. there was truth to it.
because.. y'know.. chicago did indeed blow me away..
LJ