insanely early
<<August 14, 2004 - Saturday, 8:49 am>>

i need medication for my sleep deprivay-she-uh-n
i need medication for my sleep deprivay-she-uh-n

ah guacamo-LE! ah guacamole
s-s-s-sleep deprivation's drivin me in-SANE!
ah guacamo-LE! ah guacamole
s-s-s-sleep deprivation's drivn me insay-uhn..

i think jude was in my dream again. i don't remember how right now.

shit.. and as soon as i typed that it just came back to me. i needed to register for classes or something. at USF. where i don't go right now. and he was there at a desk, helping people in a line. i tried not to be in the line headed for him. tried to get the other person at the desk. i don't know what happened with that. i don't know if he saw me.

heh. i was avoiding him..

in another part of my dream. someone was pregnant. not me. not anyone i knew. but they just had a baby. and my mom was talking to this girl about it.. how they have you in and out at the hospital..

it's not much of a dream. what's really fantastically amazing about it was how i remembered it.

i was lying in bed just now.. and i was thinking i'd like to paint. my wrist had twitches and urges to make movements and create color on a blank canvas. i wanted to use a pretty sky blue, for some reason. thick. and the shape.. was this curly curve shape over and over. and, as i was envisioning the catharsis of creation in my head.. my brain suddenly hit the mental brakes and said, 'whoa, whoa, WHOA!'

'this looks like a pregnant belly.. that was in my dream..'

i dunno. i thought it was something.

i know all i really write about in here anymore is dreams. i hardly give details about my life. like, 'today i did this and this and this and wow that was exciting or wow that fucking pissed me off, motherfuckers.' i know other people's dreams can be boring to read.. very unrelatable.. but, uhm, fuck you. dreams seem to be all that really matter.

i dunno. it's how i communicate with myself, i think. and i'm not all that good at communicating with myself all the time..

LJ

step back - push forward

dearcynthia}}




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