there was something nuts about today.
something nuts about this week.
people.. coming up to me, talking to me.. as if they want or expect something from me. is there something about me that's drawing them in..?
it's been all about favors this week. so far. the SG needed a favor, a ride to the airport at an awkward hour. someone else wants a favor.. a burned cd, or company. i wonder if he's lonely. and then a girl who i just met tonite [or last night as it were..], she wants to borrow two of my books for this semester.
i oblige. i'm full of favors to give. but how much will be too much? will all this giving soon drain me..? i've found a vast source of energy and generosity within me. i know it's appealing.. but i can still dry up.
then again, i get favors in return this week. a taped episode of smallville [if he was sober enough to remember] and digital pictures of pages in a book i don't have.
i feel a frenzy around me, though. as if the universe is a bit out of sorts this week.
co-workers have been tired and out of it, or just plain going beserk. i've been going beserk myself. i scream out to the nobody in my room, "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" i even mutter it under my breath when i'm out and i think no one is looking. sing it in a song..
going nuts. temporary insanity.
my boss laughed with me today, asking me, "are you alright over there, mama?"
i plopped down in a chair, took a sigh and a smile, stared right at her and giggled. "no."
she saw me running back and forth between two cubicles, trying to get settled in whatever it was i was going to do. she understood completely, though. she does the same exact sorts of things. running around like a madwoman.
"i know how it is, mama" she says.
LJ