i started this thought, but didn't finish it.. i'll just post it, incomplete. perhaps i'll get back to it later. i'm running so late..
someone had asked me today how i feel, with respect to my recent loss..
and i didn't know how to answer. no one had asked me that yet, and it wasn't something i questioned of myself. i struggled.. and i said.. "well.. not good.." struggled some more.. and the best i could do was, "shaky."
"i feel shaky."
i thought later.. 'well maybe i could've told him that i cried and screamed in my pillow last night..' perhaps that would have been an answer to the question. 'doesn't state directly how i feel, but.. a reasonable inference can be made from that. i just didn't know how to put it into words, how to label my emotions..
until, just know, when i came up with a word that gathers up a lot of what i'm feeling..
the word is: horrified.
i feel as though someone just suddenly, without warning, just chopped off my right leg.. and i'm left to deal with the reality and pain and horror of it.
and with the horror comes shock.
LJ