sometimes it scares me just how much of my life i can't remember. what i thought i remembered as my new year's eve events for last year, i think was actually two years ago. or was it..? where the fuck was i a year ago? why is this so hard to remember...?
my mind is going. and i'm only 23. sometimes i can't even remember how old i am. 23 is a nice age to be, i think. it still catches me by surprise every time i think of it, though. like i haven't made it mine yet. it still feels foreign to say i'm 23.
people who've fallen in love with me can remember a fuckload more than i ever can. thank god for them...
so anyway. since my memory is so bad, i was thinking maybe i should start back up with a daily account of the mundane events in my life. i know my brain doesn't work like that right now, which is probably why i can never remember anything. i don't remember things in chronological order. and i only remember things that really mean something to me. and sometimes, even when they really mean something, i still can't remember.
dementia at 23. it can be kinda fun.
so let's try this.
dear cynthia,
here is an account of the events in my day so far. my baby set his alarm for 5am. the clock announced the time at 5am, 5:10am, 5:20am, and then 5:30am. during that time, i might've drifted in and out of sleep. when awake, i would stroke my baby's skin. because i really like doing that. i kissed him a few times. i like doing that, too. he got out of bed, got ready for work, and kissed me one last time before he left. i fell back asleep and didn't wake up again until about 10am, i think.
i slowly worked my way out of bed. got online to check email 'n stuff. i called the SG on my cell because it's been awhile. i usually hear from him several times a day. he still had a pissed off tone in his voice. i think my email, yelling at him for wrecking my checking account, might have put him off. he was friendly until then. or maybe he's jealous because of what i'm doing and who i'm with. exes often act weird about that stuff. he was working, though. putting together computers for a law firm. so i only talked to him briefly and i let him get back to work.
then i called my brother. i wanted to talk to him about how things were going. he also seemed busy, as he was filling out job applications online. so i kept it brief, let him know when i'm flying back, and asked him if he'd be able to pick me up. from the right airport this time.
*shrug*
then i had one of those messy shits that, no matter how many times you wipe, your ass just won't get clean. this is where a bidet would come in really handy. when i'm rich one day, i'm getting one. it's gonna be all about the "clean and healthy tush." gotta love driving on the highway in miami and seeing on a building on the side this big stick figure with a huge smile on his face, hunching over and getting his ass sprayed...
well anyway, that's all i've done so far. i'm thinking about a cigarette. i said i could quit as a new year's resolution, but that was really only more like a suggestion. i haven't smoked since new year's eve, though. this is day 4. that's actually pretty impressive.
indeed.
i think i'll take a shower now.
LJ