on soccer, dreams, life, and some existentialism
Quite often, a bunch of guys from the dorms will play soccer in the little field behind the library. My dorm is directly across from the library, so I get a perfect view. :) No, it's not just about watching guys. That was never a hobby of mine. :p But I get something out of watching them. It's a lot different than watching the guys play basketball on the court. There, I feel a bunch of negative vibes 'cuz everyone's cussing and yelling at each other an' acting all hostile. But watching these guys play soccer comes with a much nicer feeling. I'll hear them yell out encouraging stuff to help each other, working as a team, clapping when someone makes a good shot or block.. 'Brings me back to the days I wanted to play soccer. I loved soccer. I so wanted to play soccer. Even my phys. ed. coach in middle school was like "you're pretty good. you should play for the team.." But.. certain parental figures blockaded that dream.. I would still love to play soccer now, but.. it feels like it's too late, y'know..? I'm so out of shape now. Imagine what good shape I'd be in if I had been allowed to take up soccer. Imagine, also, how much better my emotional state would be.. I'd be active, excercising, doing something. And I would've been with people. 'Helluva lot better than sitting around all the time.. Two things you should never deprive your kids of: something they're interested in learning or doing, and other kids. Like.. D's lit'l brother.. I thought it was so awesome the way his parents are letting this six year old (or whatever) kid take up tae kwon do. And also that this kid has buddies an' they'll go over to each other's houses.. I never had anything like that when I was younger.. It was such a struggle to finally even be allowed to go to someone's birthday party.. It's stuff like this.. makes me wonder how much it has to do with how hard it is for me to establish relationships now.. But.. yeah.. play soccer.. live your dreams.. make music.. Life is meant to be experienced.. not to be huddled in your corner fearing what might go wrong.. Don't think about it.. Live.. Thought is an abstraction. Life - experience - is concrete. And as soon as you think about it, you're not experiencing it anymore. The moment your mouth opens and utters a single word, you have already lost your experience. And.. unless you've already heard some philosphical thoughts on language, you're probably really confused by now. Because I know what I'm talking about, but I probably don't explain it very well, so I have no idea what this sounds like to someone who hasn't heard of it before..
What a shame to have died before one lived...
LJ