Where were they going
without ever knowing the way...
>><<
My life in general feels very vague and unreal. That's what I hate the most. The scientologists, they say they can help me. I've always wondered how they can lure people into the cult of a science-fiction writer...
I dunno.. But there's always a dream-like quality in my perception of things. Even now. And I always feel like I could fall asleep. My sight is going, I think. I can see, things aren't always blurry, but sometimes they are. But I can't always perceive things. If that makes sense.. My spatial sight is going. I can't take in the whole picture.
I wouldn't be surprised if something is wrong with me. I was supposed to go for a third blood test maybe almost a year ago. The first time, my platelets were low. The second time, my white blood cells were low. Since then, I've suffered the occaissional dizzy spell. I'll get dizzy, light-headed, start sweating, feel like I'm about to faint, and desperate to sit down and have some water. Sometimes they'll be small and it'll just be like my peripheral vision is closing in on me, and I feel like I can't see.
My night vision is going. Or maybe it's just a glare from my big windshield. I remember with my little Sundance I never had a problem. Other people would drive my car and complain about how low the headlights were, but I was just fine driving like that. Driving at night with the Lincoln is a struggle for me. I can't tell where turn lanes begin, or where I'm supposed to turn it to a shopping center or wherever I'm trying to go. Lights blind me and I can't tell how far away an on-coming car is..
Tonight, probably around midnight, I'm gonna have to pick up Aaron at his new job. It's all the way on the other side of Orlando. I'm going to have to do this quite often now. Drive in the dark. Alone. Without him telling me each and every turn to make, whether I know it or not. I wish he could somehow get a car. Or learn to drive mine. He's practically the driver wherever we go. I don't know where I'm going. He's always telling me where to go. And what to do. And what to listen. And what to watch. And when I can go online..
I've got it made. I never have to make a decision in my life ever again. I don't even have to talk to people in most situations. He always does it for me.
What would I ever do without him?
Heh. No wonder my life seems so unreal. I'm barely living it...
LJ