*grooooooaaaaannn*
*moooooooaaaaannn*
*sigh*
'Saw The Exorcist last night. 'First time I ever went to the movies alone. I think I really liked that movie. 'Hafta go back to see it again 'cuz I missed the ending. 'Didn't want to miss my bus.
"My bush!"
heh.. If you saw MTV's Video Music Awards this year, you'd know what that was about. Poor Macy Gray.. heh..
Ugh. What a long slow day. It started out with my alarm going off at 8:09 am and then continuing to go off at regular intervals (*beep, beep* -->snooze, *beep, beep* -->snooze.. "ugh. I swear this is the last time.." *beep,beep* -->snooze..) until.. mm.. 'bout 11:30 am.. heh. I was trying to get myself up in time before the Financial Aid Office closed. (Financial Aid is so confusing. I hafta go through all these mysterious steps for my Stafford Loan that, of course, aren't listed anywhere so I really have no idea what I'm doing..) I needed a promissory note and I had been informed that the Financial Aid office might have them. According to their website, they close on Saturdays at 1 pm. I got there around.. maybe 12:15 pm.. The doors, of course, were locked. (grr..)
So, later, I thought I'd give the "I Fell in the Pool Party" that was going on a shot. (The theme was to go in the pool with your clothes on, but of course no one did..) It was alright.. good food.. 'finally got to go swimming.. 'got a nice burn.. *shrug*
*sigh*
I have to talk to someone about something. Something happened about a month ago and.. it's like it just completely dissapated in the air. Everything (most everything) keeps going on as if it never happened, but I'm still left with this very unsettling feeling. I need to know what happened. I need to know what's going on.. I need some closure. I thought I had it.. when I tried saying hi to someone, who could barely look at me, which left me laughing all the way back to my dorm.. but.. I dunno.. I need someone to talk to.. There's one person I could talk to.. but other than that, there's no one.. an' it's killing me.
An' I know that above paragraph will sound like cryptic to most people, but oh well.. this is just for me, really.. i need to get it out somehow..
The point, tho.. is that there is torment within me.. Well.. there's always torment within me.. Most probably don't know that, but.. it's true.. I guess there's just more than usual right now. *sigh* an' i'm even considering going to the depression screenings on oct. 5th.. heh.. 'hard to kick an old habit, i guess..
But.. the thing with that, tho.. I know too much about depression.. I can act it out all too well.. even if I'm not feeling it.. and sometimes it's hard for me to tell if I'm feeling it or not.. especially if I have to talk to someone about it. Case example: when I went to that so-called "psychologist" (who was total crap - i really hope not all psychologists are like him). When I have to talk to someone, my emotions freeze.. my brain tells me, "okay, danielle, never mind what you're feeling.. just give them what they want" 'Makes it awfully hard.. everything..
*blech*
the torment that is me.
heh. okay. i think that's enough scaring my friends for one day..
LJ