I can't believe this is happening.. How can he do this to me..?
He was my life, my soul.. the only person I could finally connect with to the fullest degree.. without limitation.. He was my teacher.. he completely changed everything that I was. Without having knowing him.. I have absolutely no fucking CLUE where I'd be now. Probably dead. Because I had no reason to live. He gave me one. He made my biggest dream come true. I would do anything for him. I would worship him if that's what he wanted.. and maybe.. in a silent way.. I did..
All I ever wanted was to fall completely and hopelessly in love with someone who returned the deepest level possible of human sentiment.. And he gave me that.. But now he's taking it away.. without even the decency of having me understand WHY.
We were so close.. just three months away from sheer paradise.. where we would finally be living within walking distance, no less.. as opposed to the 3 years of living 45 minutes away.. We could have finally been able to see each other at the slightest whim..
..I never even got to experience the bliss of waking up with him beside me.. to have his beautiful face be the very first thing I see when I open my eyes.. 19 years and I've never had anything to look forward to when I opened my eyes in the morning.. I just wanted to experience this at least once.. and now I never can..
We were going to grow old together...
Now, my god.. I don't even know what to do with my life anymore. What's the point of being here in Miami, going to college..? There's no place for me here.. there's no place for me anywhere.. HE was my home.. Without him, I have nowhere to go..
LJ