I hate daylight savings time.. or whatever this is. It's only 6:30 pm an' already it's dark like it's 9 or something. jeez...
But anyway.
I'd have to say.. that today was a day well spent. I participated in a "Ropes Course." What that basically is is we ran around and did different activities working on teamwork in the morning. Heh.. it was awesome. We played tag. I haven't done that since middle school. I love doing stupid little stuff that reminds me of my childhood [anybody wanna play candyland? heh.. or, ooo.. let's go swinging.
okay. I'm gonna go off on a tangent. What was it about being young that had given me so much energy? Why can't I have that energy now? I used to love just running around, tag, soccer, whatever. I remember there was a time when me an' my brother would toss a football or shoot hoops, even, like, everyday after school. I loved bike-riding. Now.. I can't even get myself on a bike for 20 minutes. By then I'm dyin', man.. heh.. oh! and tennis, or raquetball! We used to do that all the time! what happened?? I wanna be active again. I've made a tiny step. I purchased my roommate and I some tennis raquets online (only 9 bucks each!). We just need some balls..
Anyway.
And then after lunch we did the "high elements." That was where we climb poles, walk on logs or ropes in the air, and rock climb. And I am very proud to say that I actually participated in one of these. I was so close to not doing it. Because.. I had a headache, an' my throat was sore, an' I just basically felt that I couldn't do it because I'm a girl who really doesn't exercise much [but i plan on working on that!], and I had never done anything like this in my life. So I was giving myself lots of excuses. And I stopped myself an' took a second look at what I was doing. An' I took a look at how I do this a lot in life. Especially lately. An' I thought to myself, 'I can't go through life making excuses.' I decided right then and there that I'm going to stop this.
I'm just going to do it.
And.. I was thinking.. I had to do this. If not, it would have been a waste of a ropes course. I would have been disappointed in myself. And I would've been saying to myself afterwards over and over, 'damn. I should have done that.'
[ooo.. it's metallica on the radio. "nothing else matters." this song holds significance for me, even though it shouldn't. not because of the person. but only because of the moment. some moments can be so perfect and beautiful.. beautiful moments.. hmm.. ever read Slaughter-House Five?]
Senior year affected me more than I thought it did.
Anyway. As I was saying. To climb or not to climb. This was an opportunity being placed right in front of me. [I even payed 25 bucks for it. :p] I had to grab my opportunity. Push myself out of my "comfort zone" and just go for it. Because.. although this was pointed out to me as rather "conceited" or whatever.. it is the things that I don't do that I regret. Those are the things that bother me, pull and tug, for days, weeks, months, years later. I know I've done some pretty dumb and careless stuff, especially since I got here, but I still don't regret it. As horrible or conceited as that may sound. I don't regret it because that was a path taken. I now know the outcome. And I live with it. And I explore and even enjoy where that path takes me. Even if it hurts.
It's called living.
And I'm loving the complete uncertainty of life. The rawness.. as well as the fun.. but mostly.. the experience.
For the things that I don't do.. I'll never know what might have come out of it. Stuff like that can eat at you. You never know unless you try.
But anyway.. I'm glad to say.. that today.. I lived.
.
.
[p.s. "and she did it with a smile," she said. "i like that." ....yep. that's me. always smiling.]
LJ