I've forgotten what it's like to joke or make someone laugh. I don't laugh or smile as much as I used to, either. In the past, I would laugh all the time. Even more than I would say anything. One time someone even said to me, "You like to laugh a lot, don't you?"
But these days I've become so bitter and serious. Trying to deal with everyday life when you've got no money will do that to you, I think. Nothing can really be fun anymore when you have no money. I can't even go to the movies. It's been so long since I've been able to sit in a theater and enjoy a movie. People, friends who have been coming through Orlando, have invited me to meet up with them at Pleasure Island. But at this point, I can't even do that because I have no money. The only kind of etertainment I can offer myself is the free kind: broadcast television and library books. Anybody wanna come over and watch FOX with me? It's good stuff..
Well, hopefully I'll start getting money soon. If everything works out at bp. Even if I hate it, I'll just have to endure it for the time being so I can just have some money to relax a little. Oh, and finally get my textbooks. Yes, it's the middle of the semester already. One textbook I've been able to check out at the library. Another one I attempted to get from another university library through interlibrary loan. But those UCF prudes told me they couldn't get it through interlibrary loan because it's being used as a textbook this semester. That's such bs. I worked in interlibrary loan -I ordered the books myself- at another Florida state university and I've never heard of such a ridiculous rule. "It's policy." My ass. They just don't want to get the book for you for free when you can buy it from them at their bookstore.
[Omigod, I just remembered I dreamt I had a penis on my neck.. I was playing with it under the covers.. And, in my dream, I was thinking to myself, "my goodness, how did I ever go out in public like this?" Then I remembered that it would shrink back and get hidden by my double chin.
Yes, I have weird dreams.]
But.. money is good. And last night I met a guy who is very likely to be my manager, should everything work out with me working at the new bp store. That really sucked. He was very cool, but I looked like crap. No makeup, hair tied up mesily, shabby looking clothes. I never look nice unless there's a reason anymore.. But maybe there is a reason to at least look decent when you leave your apartment: you never know who you'll meet.
LJ