Wow.
They're having some sort of party upstairs. And rather than the usual blasting stereo.. I hear people playing music. And not just guitars and drums. I hear some sort of folksy music. Some sort of accordian-sounding instrument, but higher pitched.. and.. bongo drums..?
'Sounds beautiful.
'Sounds like stuff that matters..
But I am vacant, really, tonight. Completely worn out. My mind feels constipated. I don't know what to think anymore. I have trouble getting things out..
*shrug*
Third review while I was away the past couple days. 'Went to the parents' for the birthday thing.. My brother has to move back home. They've already made his old room into an office. Which means he has to move into my old bedroom. Which is something that I would absolutely never have a problem with, except that.. I have to take out all my old stuff.
Dammit.
This means I'd have to get a storage unit. I don't even have room for the stuff I have in my apartment now, and I have to bring with me, like, 10 more boxes of stuff..? The stuff I cleaned out today, from my desk, old dresser, and the bottom shelf of my bookshelf- about 2 boxes' worth- are just staying in my trunk, really, until we get that storage unit. And I still have a whole closet-full of memories to go through.
:/
Part of me would love to be able to just toss it all in the trash. But I feel like I'd be tossing more of me in the trash along with it. Each item.. is a treasured memory. And there is so much I forget.
And I have to thank my tiki-reviewer for reminding me of this entry. Reading that again was just.. wow.. I used to be able to express stuff..
Heh.
*sigh*
Now.. I don't know anymore. I feel like I'm losing sight. Losing sight of "it." Y'know- that thing that pulls me.. or drives me.. What I'm after. And everything's just.. really fucking blurry and disoriented.
The only thing I save energy for is going to work. So I can get paid. So I can fucking survive. And I barely have energy for even that anymore.
I cursed at work today.
I said my favorite curse word: Jesus-Fucking-Christ
I don't know if customers heard me. But my co-worker did.
I'm so sick of dealing with people.
I just didn't care anymore.
The only reason I end up going to work anymore is that I care about the people I work with. I especially wouldn't want to leave Dedra on the register by herself all night, while she had to be doing the order for the store. That's just not fair. And I have too much consideration for people that aren't stupid and don't deserve to be dicked over like that.
But, uhm.. it's 12 am now. I'm fucking tired. Fucking dead. But I have to go make a 45 minute drive to the other side of Orlando. To pick someone up from work.
Dammit.
LJ