I was just thinking, this morning, about when I used to live with two guys in an apartment in Miami.
Why wasn't I having the time of my life?
What should have been good times with Hunbun and his friends.. turned into constant resentment for invasion of privacy, and well, dirty floors. and dirty bathtubs [ever scrub away the ashes in the tub from a very ashy black man?] and moldy dishes.
But.. really thinking back to it.. I can pinpoint the last time I was actually happy to just before I lost my lit'l Sundance.
I was $600 under in my checking account, living in the dorms.. but it was all good because I still had my lit'l Sundance.
But once I lost her.. everything just went downhill.
I know it must be stupid to have a frick'n car be your source of happiness, but really.. you try enjoying the drive of a Lincoln Town Car. Losing my Sundance was like losing my cat. Or my best friend. Or something.
Or my best form of therapy.
I know my grandparents put a lot into that car [the Lincoln they gave me].. Including last time when they were sorely overcharged for some work on the engine. $651 worth. And then the engine light came back on only a month later.
I didn't even want them to get it fixed that time when I went home. I was planning on getting a friend to look at it. A mechanic is the best friend you could ever have.. But my grandparents wanted to hurry up and get it done. And now look. More that I owe them. When I just want to get rid of that fucking car.
I hate owing people things. I really do. It's something I always try my best to avoid.
Oh yeah. So my dream last night: I dreamt I had a chance to get my Sundance back. But my grandmother didn't want me to. And she kept trying all she could to get in the way of that. She would switch out the key for it on my keychain, stuff like that.. And I kept having to cuss her out, and any other method I could to get her out of my way..
I know my grandparents are wonderful people. But they're getting in the way of my happiness. And they're not the only ones.
It's impossible to make everyone happy. And it's even more impossible when it makes you, yourself unhappy. So.. sooner or later.. you just gotta screw someone over.
Seriously. How long must I sit here being unhappy?
Waiting.. for the OK.
LJ