the nightmare
<<Mo 10.14.02 - 1:20 pm>>

Here's a nightmare for you:

I take Slim-Fast every morning, sit-ups, stretches, leg lifts every morning.. and still I gain 10 pounds.

Like.. I didn't even believe the scale at Publix when I first weighed myself. I was like, "nah, this is wrong.." But I went to another Publix, weighed myself again, and it was the same weight.

Gosh.. this means I've gained a total of 30 pounds. And.. god, why can't I figure out how to lose weight. It seems like nothing, short of running a marathon every day, is gonna work for me. I feel like someone has put some god-awful curse on me.. I am doomed to turn into a pudgy fat-ass..

And I looked at my naked body in a full-length mirror a couple days ago [something I don't do too often anymore..], and.. shit, it looks like someone snuck on a fat suit on me when I wasn't looking. It just.. didn't look real to me..

But.. on a semi-unrelated, but sorta related note.. I can't even remember when's the last time I had sex. Hunbun makes advances pretty much every night, and every time, I push him off. Last night, he put it on heavy.. He was doing everything perfect, but still.. I just.. didn't want to. When.. in the past.. all I would need is for someone to just touch me and I was good to go.

But nothing can get me in the mood anymore. And.. I don't know if it's just.. I'm not attracted to him anymore, if it's the stress, or.. me being overweight. And maybe.. a little bit of all of the above..

I feel bad for him, though. Poor guy. I'd hire a hooker for him if I had the money.

LJ

step back - push forward

dearcynthia}}




Lately:
-January 16, 2017
ChicagoMarch 19, 2011
ok i will say something elseSeptember 24, 2006
i still love youSeptember 24, 2006
reaching outJuly 16, 2006