And now, prepare to be jealous. My hunbun got himself a new job. At EA Sports. Getting paid $15 an hour -prepare yourself- playing video games. A senior beta tester. Because he's had experience and he's fucking knowledgeable as hell. Like, impressive-in-a-scary-way knowledgeable. I'll always admire that about him. He can do literally anything he fucking wants. All it takes is getting off his ass. An ass that's getting larger by the minute, might I add.
Oh, I'm sorry, was that mean?
I know we're both bad in the weight department, but he's just getting worse. It's bad when his stomach is getting in the way during the "horizontal mambo." Not that we do that often. But.. it's one of the many things discouraging me from even bothering..
But.. I dunno.. It's more than that.. He keeps trying to kiss me and I keep pushing him away.. When I do kiss him, though.. I don't feel anything. And that's.. depressive as hell.
I don't like it.. but I can't fake affection and emotion. And he keeps pushing.
If only he could focus on just being a friend. I don't need a lover right now. I don't need a caretaker. Just a friend. Someone who can sit back and let me take back my own life again. Encourage it, softly, even. And not, like, push me out there to suddenly fend for myself.
I dunno.. he's so sweet to me. Calling me several times at home because he's at work and he misses me. Even though I'm not nice to him when he's with me. And I'm always pushing him away and not talking to him. Does he not see it? I'm really not getting this. He still just wants to continue on as if nothing's changed.
I encourage him to get a life of his own constantly. And I wish he could do the same for me.. But.. I think he likes that I have no life of my own. To him, I'm like a puppy that's always just there for him, however grudgingly so.. As long as I'm there.
I dunno.
I need some chocolate.
But.. I'm very happy for him on his new job. Not just because he'll be doing cool things like beta-testing The Sims. But also because I won't have to drive all the way to the other side of town, late at night, half asleep, to pick him up from work.
Like I'll have to be doing tonite.
LJ