Okay, Mr. Gay Angel. You caught me. So here you have it:
Substitue any "boyfriend" for The EX-boyfriend.
Okay?
Yeah, enjoy.
I was trying to eliminate confusion as well as remain sensitve to what I considered a delicate situation.
But it doesn't matter anymore..
I've made my decision, and my decision was reinforced: I want to work things out with my hunbun. As many problems as we've had in the past.. we can work it out. I fell out of love once, but.. love is fleeting for me. I don't understand it. I can't depend on Love to guide my actions and decisions. But I can work to repair a friendship.. and I'm hoping Love will come back to me later.
Because.. ain't no one who's done more for me than my hunbun. And.. ain't no one I trust and depend on more. I think he definitely let the whole marriage thing get to his head, but.. with a little patience, we might be able to get back to where we were.
We don't have petty fights anymore, which is a LOT. Heh.. That's a big step, that we actually get along now, and I can have fun with him. Although there are still those moments where, on the phone, I'll say, "okay, I've had enough. Goodbye now" but that's just me being me. Heh. Perhaps I'm being rude, but.. shit I want to be left alone after a while. At least I don't have to do the fake, "well, I'll let you go" or "well, I should really be going, I have ALL this stuff to do.." *shrug*
I've been drinking.. I'm starting to feel real nice.. 'Just thought I'd share..
I've done absolutely NOTHING today. Just like I planned. In fact, I didn't even wake up until 6 PM! Damn, that even surprised me.
Back to the Ex-boyfriend, tho. "As if he doesnt exist" Mr. Gay Angel says. Honestly, sometimes, I have trouble remembering that he exists. Sometimes, in my head, I can't even remember his name right. *shrug* My brain would want to keep calling him Brandon. Or Marcos. But that's not right.. And, I think, one or two times during rapid conversation, I actually addressed him by hunbun's name. Which, I'm immediately embarrased, and shut up, and just hope he didn't hear it..
I don't know why, though. Especially when the person he reminded me the most was of Dan.
There, I said it. He reminded me of my first love. That's why I was so drawn to him.
But he didn't have anywhere near the amount of Dan's composure. I've never seen someone with the amount of composure that Dan had. Fucking incredible.
Whiny babies are such a turn-off..
LJ