Wow.. I actually can't sleep now..
I have something plaguing my mind..
And I'm wide awake.
Maybe it was the sleeping in 'till 6? Or maybe it was the caffeine in the Sparks malt beverage I had earlier. But that was several fucking hours ago.. Like, maybe, 8pm or something.. 'Should've worn off by now..
At any rate, I am uncomfortably awake.
I feel like I might want to cry.. or curl up and huddle in a fetal position.. to soothe and protect myself.. But it doesn't get me very far. My eyes won't let loose more than half a tear. And my body grows restless.
So.. what to do..
If I had a cigarette, I'd go out and smoke it. But I'm fresh out. Thanks to my new efforts to quit. What the hell can one do at 3 in the morning? Besides have sex.
*sigh*
I..
I dunno..
Heh.
I just want to feel safe, I think.
But the give and take of mingling and interacting with others of the human race, it never makes me feel safe.
I think I would much rather be in love with a drug than another person. A best friend to always make the pain go away. A drug doesn't have the capacity to let you down. It's just there. But it makes you feel oh-so-good (so I'm gathering from what people and movies say). But the drug would eat at you just the same.
Love eats at you..
To need something and want something so badly.. That you can't go on in life.. That you're absolutely miserable without it.
*shrug* So, what's the difference?
I don't know why you people torture yourselves so much..
Suffocate.
And Forget.
LJ