According to a commercial with some white blobs, I have Social Anxiety Disorder. When in social situations, I sweat, I feel stressed and panicky, etc., etc.
Honestly, I've really been feeling this a lot lately. Out of nowhere, my heart will start to pound, I'll sweat, I feel like I'm panicking, and.. I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate. I try to take deep breaths and control my breathing.. Once in awhile, and I notice this only happens when I'm out in a crowded area with a lot of people buzzing all around me, such as in a supermarket.. I start to feel light-headed and dizzy.. And I can't SEE. It's so disorienting.. Like, I can kinda see.. Things will be blurry.. But the hard part is.. my brain is incapable of focusing on ONE thing. So it's like, I'm trying to see everything but I can't FOCUS. Or, my brain isn't comprehending what I see in front of me. So, in effect, I can't see... Again, extremely disorienting.. And also, such an isolating feeling. I feel so alone and small. Almost like that movie shot where.. the sound is fading out and the camera's zooming on you.. and you're getting smaller and smaller.. and farther and farther away from the people socializing happily around you.. more and more incapable of reaching their realm..
Is there something wrong with me?
I thought maybe the dizziness and inability to focus was my blood. LIke I'm missing some important nutrients or low on a certain type of blood cell. That's something I STILL need to get checked out, btw.
But, tonight, as I was walking around in a public outside shopping area, with lots of people... it happened again. And I'm thinking.. maybe this is possibly Social Anxiety Disorder.. or a little bit of both..?
I dunno, man.. SOMETHING'S wrong.. But it's not like I have the money to take care of myself when I'm not really dying yet.. At least as far as I know..
P.S. I was so hungry tonight, but I didn't have anything to snack on [well, I didn't feel like another candy bar, I wanted something cheesy], so.. I literally took some grated cheddar cheese and mixed it with mayo and snacked on that. Gross? Or ingenious?
LJ