Yesterday, it happened more than once where I was walking behind someone I knew, someone I should've said "Hi" to... But I didn't for some reason. Because my mind is tight and uncomfortable. And afraid. For some reason, I couldn't gather the courage to lighten up, put on a smile, and raise my voice above whisper-level..
I want to hide..
These normal people would have found my behavior to be odd, at the very least, and downright snobbish, or even bitchy, at worst.
I hate being weird. I hate being uncomfortable.
Today, though, as I was walking from my dorm room to the library, where I work.. A man was watching me, and he didn't take his eyes off me once during my whole trek. Behind the library, they've been doing construction on the roof. And he was standing on the ground behind the library, just watching. Now, I'm wondering.. what's going on in that head of his? My immediate thoughts are that it must be all kinds of sexual thoughts regarding me, as he scans my body over.. But what does he expect by staring at me? Does he expect some kind of flirty wink or tousle of my hair? Or does he expect me to just run over, drop my pants and spread my legs right there?
Maybe he doesn't realize he's staring. He could've just been zoning out.. but those eyes.. they followed me. I looked right at him for a time, since he felt so comfortable in looking at me. Then I got uncomfortable, looked away and looked back, then fussed with my hair blowing annoyingly in the wind.
But that look on his face.. just staring intently. Almost with a scowl.. The look itself made me feel like I was naked and being mentally violated...
LJ