I HATE WORKING IN GROUPS!!!
GADDAMUT!
Argh.. This one class especially has been stressing me out.. ERP.. Enterprise Resource Planning.. Good god, way too much busy-work for a college class. For one thing, it's taken at another campus location, about an hour away. So that's annoying.. And then.. he has all this friggin' homework due all the time. Half of them are SAP exercises. And there's no labs on my campus that have SAP. So I gotta waste two hours' worth of commute just to go back to that campus and do some friggin' homework.
And, plus, there's a group project for this class. I hate, hate, hate group projects. I never get anything out of them save for aggravation and frustration. It's pointless and a waste of time. I learn better from the stupid book. Even SAP exercises I like doing.. that's fun.. But group projects, forget it.. We have a stupid outline due tomorrow. I'm totally lost in this project. So far, only one guy has really done any work. I keep trying to ask him questions to get him to tell me exactly what I can do for the project.. But I think I'm only starting to pester him.. I think I'm supposed to just, like, instantly know what I'm supposed to do.. even though he came up with the business and business process we're analyzing..
Ugh. Fuckin' stress..
Then diagrams.. fucking diagrams.. I HATE DIAGRAMS!! Can't stand it! Don't get it! They can go a million and one different ways! And.. the detail.. down to the nitty gritty.. my brain can't comprehend it.. It can't think that small and detailed.
I'm afraid of failing this class. So far I have about a 55%. Because I'm missing a stupid homework assignment. I can't stand these stupid teachers who want a fucking print-out, when it's so much damn easier to just email it to them. But nooooooo.. Gotta waste my paper and ink. And then get screwed when I don't have money or an account to print in a stupid fucking lab because my printer ran out of ink!!
Impossible. Everything's impossible.
I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown today. 'Still feel like I'm a bit unstable in that area. Everything has just been looking so hopeless. And I still prickle with fear. I feel about as comfortable as I would placing my hands [and arms and face and chest] on a burning hot stove. Really, that's how it feels. My head is screaming inside and, outside, I just want to cry..
I thought I'd like to hurt myself really bad. Not kill myself.. but hurt myself badly enough to land in a hospital for a couple months. Then I'd get my fucking rest.
That's all I want, really. Just some fucking rest.
Desperately.
~*~
This girl keeps calling from unit 227. She left a message on my machine.. all friendly and happy.. "Hey silly!" I think I got from her garbled message that she wanted to lay out sometime..? Then she calls later tonite. I answer. And she says all friendly-like, "What's up!"
I'm just like.. "uhmmm.."
She has the wrong number, whoever she thinks she's calling. But I shoulda played along for a little at least. Be all like, "Not much! What's up with you, girly-girl!" I wonder how long it would've taken her to realize.. 'Might've been fun..
But I'm a WUSS!
LJ