My therapist has introduced to me the idea of not editing myself when I talk. And it's quite a concept. I've never realized how much I do it. Then maybe again, I did know I was doing it. I just didn't know what to call it.
I guess I called it "holding back."
But when you call it "editing".. Now it doesn't seem so.. substantial. or as large of a problem. It sounds like something I can handle. Something I can fix. I'm not quite so constrained.
And so I've been looking for opportunities to practice being unedited. With a smoking buddy. A friend at work. A classmate. Even my therapist. And sometimes.. a perfect stranger.
It's kinda fun. It's not so scary anymore.
And I want to get out more, again
~*~
DeleriumS: you get to a point after so long that you think the rest of your life will be hell.. but it really doesn't have to be that way.. but you don't really fully *know* that until you make the change.. and once you're there.. it's just amazing..
DeleriumS: or something..
m6: yeah
DeleriumS: i dunno.. it was a learning experience.. i like learning things..
DeleriumS: and there's so many things i was afraid of.. financially and whatever else.. then, explaining things to family 'n stuff.. 'cuz some of them.. y'know.. the idea that a marriage is a sacred thing and you work it out no matter what.. but.. i'd rather have their scorn.. i'd rather let the pieces fall where they may as far as money and a place to live.. not having control over what may happen as an outcome is scary, but.. all of it's better than a lifetime of hell.. an' all that..
DeleriumS: i'm sorry.. i had a little to drink..
m6: amen to that
m6: no, its okay
m6: you're absolutely right
DeleriumS: mm, well that's good
DeleriumS: my brother got the balls to break things off with the girl he was getting engaged with..
DeleriumS: i guess we're both the same like that.. getting involved with domineering partners.. interesting..
DeleriumS: yeah.. life is good, tho. i like it. for the first time in 2 years.
you could be my unintended
choice to live my life extended
[muse]
LJ