my baby came to visit last thursday. and when i went in to work last friday, jude came over to me asking me about it.
he told me i looked so relaxed, as if i had been sipping on cognac. and he told me with a burst of giddy energy and a huge grin, as if he was all excited for me, "you look so happy!"
my baby does make me happy. and it was interesting to hear external validation of his effect on me. but it's hard to keep it when he's so far away. and when there are other things to make me sad.
the other things will fade. i think. i'm pretty sure. even though they are hard things to deal with. causing me to question my worth, my ability, what i'm good for.. for instance, it seemed to me that all i was really good for was hurting other people. i thought maybe i should put myself in isolation so i don't have to hurt anyone else.
*shrug*
i suppose i could say more, but i don't really care to. i have a lot of people to talk to.
wow.. 93.1 keeps playing some good music.. heh. it used to be dance in the morning for me, now it's rock. a rage against the machine song had me realizing, why the fuck do i still not have any of their albums? now, faith no more..
anyway.
uhm.
i keep wanting to wake up happy, but i wonder how long it's going to take.
LJ