I just dropped my honeybunny off at a bus stop, and now, back at our new apartment... I don't know what to do with myself. I could.. unpack some stuff, try to situate our things, clean up some.. But.. I dunno.. my catalyst isn't there. I'm finding it hard to accept that this is where I'll be for at least a year. This is permanent. Or, at least, semi-permanent. This is where we can start making a home together. I had gotten so used to moving around a lot, staying unsettled, being prepared to pack up and leave that.. I forget what it's like to settle down and appreciate where I'm at. I've lived in North Miami for two semesters, then South Miami for the summer and fall semester, then we lived at Aaron's parents for about two weeks, and then once school and work started in Orlando, we were living at an extended stay place for about another two weeks. And now finally this is it? This is where it stops? I can finally settle? Unpacking would denote a sense of accepting that I can settle here..
And I just had a very strong sense of deja vu. I've written this diary entry before...
We might be here for two, three years or more. I've got to finish up schoool, I might continue to go to graduate school here.. and Aaron wanted to start going to school here as well.
I dunno. Orlando's okay. I don't know if I like UCF, though. The people that go to school there. I almost feel like this is an extension of my high school and that is NOT something I wanted. Everyone is too white. Even the black people just seem too white-ified. Everyone is so much smaller, too. All the girls with their blonde hair and waif-like figures. Even the guys look like waifs. I keep wanting to scream out to them, "Put some meat on you, goddammit! You look like goddamn children with no figures when you don't eat!" Seriously. The girls here have no asses. I had gotten used to all the latin mammas and the black mammas with their big booties. But the girls here still look and dress like little girls. With their fashions from high school, their stupid silver rings and piercings and such. *shrug* It bugs me. Every day that I have to walk through that shit.
And everyone here is way too well-behaved. They show the professors too much respect. For instance, if a professor goes over in time, you don't hear everyone packing their bags and leaving, cutting the professor off. They'll actually wait patiently until the professor finishes. What is that?? And they actually participate in class. And show interest. My god, I'm in the land of goody-goodies. But the professors expect very little acedemically out of the students, as far as I can tell. Their standards are lower than what I had gotten used to. Again, like high school or even lower. My stats class, for instance. The professor spoon-feeds the information to you, giving you spelled-out notes on a power-point presentation, allowing you time to copy them, and on the tests, they are open-book, you can have a formula sheet that you write up with ANYTHING you want on it, and you can use graphing calculators. Or how about my Freedom and Justice class. There are two "critiques" that we have to do. Due any time you feel like turning them in and they don't even have to be typed!. My god, these are middle school standards. Even reading through their general eduacation requirements. The Gordon Rule courses: for FIU the requirement was 6,000 words, and I believe I saw UCF was half that.
Pathetic. This is a school for babies. And it sure is filled with babies.
I don't understand how people go on probation at this school. I know two people who have done that now. My stats class, I still don't have the book, which means I've done none of the homework, I didn't bother to study my notes until about half an hour before the first test, I didn't have the book for the test and I didn't bother with the formula sheet, and there was still only ONE question that I had no clue on. And that was a question on something that the professor went over on a day that I missed class.
There's two nice things I can say about UCF so far: the classrooms are nice and the staff is very helpful. Except when I dealt with this pushy old lady in student accounts who sent me doing run-arounds. She did it to other people, too. She should be fired, the bitch. But I'm still having a hard time liking the actual buildings of UCF. That ugly brick design they are so fond of. If only they made it look as pretty as the president's house. Without the pink. FIU, I loved the buildings there. Each one was different and very nicely sculpted. Especially the library. It's 8(?) floors, there's a coffee stop on the first floor, and everything looks so clean, nice, new and spaced out. So far, from spending time at the UCF library on the first floor, it's older, dirtier, more cramped, needs new carpet, has ugly wooden chairs and tables (They had cushiony chairs with wheels at FIU) at the computer labs. But at least you have a better chance at finding a free computer. But it's too warm at the UCF library. It's often too warm in the classrooms, too. The FIU library was awesome. I used to spend so much time there. I miss it. It was the tallest building on campus. You'd probably find a picture of it at their site , which by the way is soo much better than UCf's site. Stupid damn polaris system that wouldn't let me register for my accounting course...
Yes, I'm venting. I'm in a transition period. And when you're thrown into a new situation, you often look back and compare it to how things used to be.
At least that's what I do. I don't know how YEW operate...
My overall assessment? I dunno, I'm working on it...
>>>>><<<<<
And I said, "Hey-
What's going on?"