I went home this weekend. All by myself this time. And just Sunday. Both for Mother's Day and because my friend was having a 1st birthday party for her little girl.
While I was home, tho, I wanted to get some of my old photo albums out of the boxes in the garage to take back to my apartment with me. The main idea was to get some photos for a diary. Not this one. This one's getting old. And tired. I plan on moving to a new destination in diaryland within a month or two. I've already got the place.. I just gotta move in, do some decorating 'n stuff before it's ready..
But.. as I was looking through those old photos.. seeing pictures of me when I was at least 20 pounds thinner.. and with long hair.. god, I used to look so good. In every picture, I saw such a happy and attractive girl.. and I would do anything to be that girl again..
I can be that girl again. I know I can. It's just.. so hard..
I mean, I've been being as good as I can. I've even taken up having SlimFast for two meals and eating one sensible dinner (yesterday, my "sensible dinner" was a cinnamon raisin bagel from the cafe with yummy cinnamon nut cream cheese..). I just started the SlimFast thing yesterday, though. The shake is quite tasty, so that makes it a little easier.. like there's something to look forward to. And I even went for a brisk walk last night. I plan on doing that as much as I can, every other day at least. And, plus, I try to always do my sit-ups and leg exercises daily.
:/
It's still hard, though.. 'Cuz I get depressed over how bad I am now.. And I wonder if anything I'm doing is really helping..
God, trying on swimsuits was depressing on Sunday. My mom wanted to get me something since mine is pretty worn out, stretched out, that type of thing. So we went to Target, after having dinner at Golden Corral. I mostly picked at the food I got there (it wasn't very good, the only thing I sorta liked is the rotisseri [spell?] chicken.. and you can always get that better at Boston Market.. oh, but they had good desserts at Golden Corral. I couldn't help myself, I had three soft, chewy, moist, absolutely delicious apple cinnamon cookies).
So anyway, the bad thing about trying on swimusuits after eating at Golden Corral was that I was horribly bloated. Nothing looked good on me. A couple of the bottoms looked okay.. but none of the tops did. I have to have a top with support and underwire and maybe some padding.. 'cuz otherwise it looks absolutely horrible.. A flat chest against a bulging stomach? Blech.
LJ