I had an extraordinary dream last night.
I just wish I could remember what it was..
And..
I had one trick-or-treater come to my door this Halloween night. I was so surprised. An' I was like, "Oh my gosh! I don't have anything! I'm so sorry!"
Looking back, I don't think the kid even really had a costume. Just a little 5/6 year old holding a plastic bag. And, thinking later on it, I probably could have given him, like, a pack of Ramen noodles or something.
Or a quarter.
To be nice. And festive.
I hate holidays, though. I'm not the festive type. Just like I never had any "school spirit" while attending school. Same deal. It just seems stupid and hollow to me.
And annoying.
Or something.
Yeah, I know I have a huge stick wedged up my ass.
But.. Halloween..
What the hell is apartment etiquette for Halloween? Are you supposed to have candy for them?
I dunno.. I think I'd be happier living on some remote island somewhere.. Or on an entirely different plannet.
Or as a cat.
Yes.. a cat's life would suit me just fine.
'Wouldn't have to deal with these silly humans.
But on the other hand.. my new job shelving books at the library has given me a lot more time to myself and to get lost in my thoughts. Which is probably a big reason I've been down lately. My old job, as a cashier, you don't have time to think. You've got people constantly coming at you. And you've got to talk to every single one of them. So you become loud, friendly, outgoing. And sometimes.. you even had to be firm.
I'm gonna miss that practice of talking and dealing with people.
In the end, though, it was my managers and a certain coworker that made me really hate my job. Managers who don't do their job and behave too unprofessionally [..?] for me. And a coworker who was just a complete bitch to work with.
I dunno.
Blah blah blah, right?
I should do phone sales again. That way I can sit while I'm talking and dealing with people. So I can keep practicing using my voice strongly and interacting with people. 'Cuz that's good for me.. I don't get much interaction elsewhere.
And without it, I become more introspective and quiet.
And timid.
Though, you wouldn't know it the way I complain about shit around here..
My heart isn't as hard as I portray it to be sometimes.
Then again, I'm not as sweet as I portray myself to be on the outside. To outside people.
Hunbun knows..
So.. there are times when I'm afraid.. and there are times when I am just fed up.
My life is currently trying to find some kind of balance between the two..
LJ