Last night, one of my ex's friend walked right by me. He was walking out of SuperWalmart while I was walking in, and waiting for Hunbun to get his 25 cent cola at the machine in the front, as he always does.
I did a double-take, realizing who it was, but still not exactly sure. I gave him a half smile. And I think he uttered some kind of recognition with his facial expression in return.
But.. I dunno.. I never know how to react. Especially in a situation like that. I don't think any of his friends really liked me in the first place. Not that I ever did anything to them. But it's the curse of being quiet.
I would've liked to say hi or something. He's an acquaintance. But.. I just never feel like I'm allowed to.. Like.. if I see a friend of his, I'm not allowed to talk to them.. just because.. they, like, don't like me or something..
If I saw my ex somewhere, I probably wouldn't even say "hi" to him.
I'd probably just.. stick my tongue out at him or something.
Not to be mean or anything.
But just to play.
He's an excellent guy. I'm proud to have known him as well as I did. And I'm proud to still be somewhat acquainted with him.
Or something..
*sigh*
I might not to back to school next semester. More problems with financial aid. And if I don't go back next semester, I'm told I might lose my scholarship. But I don't think that's right.. I read that it's renewable if you don't go to school for some time. Florida Bright Futures..
Blech..
If he [Hunbun] makes me lose my scholarship..
Good god, as if my resentment for him wasn't boiling over already..
He will have officially irreversibly ruined my life. To the point of no return. The last straw. Utter, utter despair.
So why did I get myself into this fucking mess? And why can't I get myself out?
I'm weak. I'm helpless. I'm... sadly.. really fucking malleable..
I was brought up to do as I was told.. and I can't seem to break that awful habit.
I dunno..
Love isn't even my focus right now. I'm way over Love. But look what it's done to me. I'm still trapped in its clutches, its dead remains. When all I want to do is be on my own again and go back to school.
And try this over one more time..
LJ