Mmm.. Happy Thanksgiving..?
Holidays feel so weird to me. So absolutely unreal. It was just me and Hunbun today. Making a spectacular dinner. Nothing from scratch, of course. [Except, maybe the turkey breast Hunbun cooked up.] And the only thing I did to help was heat up the frozen bag of vegetables in the microwave.
I don't cook. I haven't the patience.
And if it weren't for Him.. Well, let's just say I wouldn't have the problem of being 30 pounds over weight now..
30???!!
Yes, thirty.
My grandmother even asked if I was pregnant this past weekend. She credited it to saying because I had this "glow" about me. New haircut, hair freshly dyed, and I was wearing brown pants with a mostly-brown patterned top.. one of those peasant tops that are ever so popular right now. My mom gave it to me the night before. And I am ever so gracious because I am fat [pudgy, chunky, cushy, whatever], and I need something loose and beautiful to cover that up.
Might I add, though.. that.. although I have gained 30 pounds, I have only gone up one clothing size. I just though I'd add that because.. y'know, I've read around a lot, and apparently, that's not too normal or something. I carry my weight well. [It's all hidden in the thighs and evenly distributed everywhere else..]
But anyway.. yeah. My grandmother. She said I had this "glow." And she gushed all night long about how beautiful I look in brown. But I know what she really meant by asking that question..
[wahh?]
Which then, that got me thinking. Like, my god.. I'm 21.. I'm married.. what if they're like expecting me to have kids or something?
No, no, no, no, noo.
Not for another twenty years. If that.
Or.. perhaps.. if I somehow find a happier, more stable situation..
Because, otherwise.. god, I would be perfectly happy living all alone just me and a cat for the rest of my life. In fact, I know I would prefer it.
But.. such is life..?
I dunno.. y'get into sticky situations..
I just know.. that I hated growing up with my family in that house. I couldn't wait to get away. And I sure as hell don't want to spend the second part of my life retreating at the end of the day to another home that I hate.
Like, shit, who needs an eternal fiery hell when you've got stuff like this already eating away at your soul?
LJ