god..
I am, like, soo uneasy right now.
There are a million things running through my head, stuff I have to do, stuff I've been putting off. And I'm running out of time now.
I helps to just.. run it through. Everything I have to do, I think.
The first thing that's really causing me anxiety is that I'm going to have to put my two-week notice in really fucking soon. Like, this coming week. And I'm getting so uptight about this.
Here's the thing: I took the job, knowing but not telling anybody, that I'd probably be leaving soon because I had plans to go back to school in Miami. During this time, they've been very pleased with my work, so much so that they've delayed hiring another shelver and I took up the extra hours. That, and also, nobody's really been applying, I guess. Meanwhile, one of the shelvers moved to a new position, leaving just me and a retired old lady to do the shelving for the library. A couple weeks ago, they had hired a new shelver to replace the one that changed positions, and I was so relieved because I'd be able to split some of my hours with her.. but.. she called in to say last week that she ended up taking some other job somewhere else.
Dammit, dammit, dammit.
And now I have to leave. Nobody's applying, and the hiring process takes so damn long that I really don't think they'll have someone by the time I leave. So I'm leaving a poor old retired lady to do the shelving all by herself..
I feel so awful!!!!
Like, this is really causing me a lot of anxiety and stress.
I keep going over ways to try to break the bad news to my manager.
Oh, and all the girls are so damn thoughtful and party-oriented. They're probably going to want to do a going away party just like for everyone else that left. I don't want that! I feel bad enough..
*sigh*
But I know.. school comes first. And.. I also know they're going to be more than understanding about that. But that does little to make me feel better about the bind that I'm leaving them in.
Oh, if there were some way to make this better.
I'm also feeling stressed out and getting worried because I'm still waiting to receive my housing agreement in the mail. My living arrangements won't be set until I get that, sign it, and send it back. But I know Hunbun talked about how, if it doesn't work out somehow, I'll find some extended-stay place or something.. But.. it's all so up in the air.
And my semester at UCF still hasn't been paid for. And I don't know how I'm ever gonna get that done. And since I've been out of school for a while, they've already started trying to collect on my loan, and now that's ANOTHER thing I gotta get sorted. And my Bright Futures scholarship isn't showing up yet for this semester. And my car still has the CHECK ENGINE light on. And I still have those three videos out from Blockbuster. And they've already sent my balance of $78.10 to a collecter. And we STILL haven't sat down to watch CQ, one of the videos we still have out. And every day, we keep saying we're going to watch it but we don't. And the apartment hasn't been cleaned since Thanksgiving. There's bags and laundry [dirty AND clean] and boxes and paper and dishes and wrapping paper from Hanukkah all over the place. A menorah still sitting there, covered in colorful wax. Empty crusted mugs. Oh, it's all just so awful.
I wanted to clean the apartment this weekend, but I kept putting it off. It's not good to avoid things. It just builds. And stresses you out. And then you can't find anything.
LJ