Hrm. I had another dream about being in love with the ex again last night. The different part is that, in the waking world, I couldn't care less. So I think I've made some progress. And I think it was important to note that.
They're just dreams.. And, y'know what? I can never deny that it didn't feel good to be in love with him. So at least I can still have those dreams to remind me of what it felt like to be in love, and to remind me of a time when I felt really fucking good. And then I can wake up in the morning with that really good feeling.
See? It can be a happy thing.
It all depends on what you do with it.
Something else I haven't mentioned in here was that, a couple weeks ago, I got my first ever speeding ticket. Superbowl Sunday night, to be exact. I was on my way home from Orlando to Miami [about 3 hours]. The State Trooper caught me going 87. Guilty as charged, what can I say? I tried to keep it at 84 tops as Hunbun would say [the speed limit was 70] to at least keep the ticket a little cheaper, but.. In that long trip, plus with no one on the road, I was in a hurry to get home. Plus, I would get lost in my thoughts and not realize that I was speeding up.
So I wasn't scared or mad. I was partly indignant. It was around 1 am. There was no one on the road. I tend to view laws as something to prevent harm to others, so on an empty road, who the hell am I endangering? Why can't I have the freedom to go 87 mph on an empty highway? I think I should have that freedom. I wasn't driving reclessly. There was no one to harm. But.. on an empty road, that also makes me an easy target for the state trooper. Especially when he has to fill his quota or whatever for the month.
*shrug*
He was kind of a dick when he greeted me. He said, "Now I Know with that big digital display of yours you can't not see how fast you're going.. *I* could even see it on your display. So you can't give me any excuses.." Or something like that. Like big tough guy. Like he had to talk to me in a manner as if I would try to resist him giving me a ticket. But I was pleasant and courteous and I smiled, nonetheless. This was no more than a business transaction to me. [I even almost said "thank you" when it was done. 'Thank you for your time..?' 'It was a pleasure being reprimanded by you..?' *shrug*]
Eh, at least it helped wake me up for the rest of the trip, right? I was only about halfway through at that point..
Oh. And at least I was never caught while I still had my lit'l Sundance. Back then I would always go 95 mph on I-95, the road I got my ticket on. It was a little game for me. And it never felt right to go any slower than that.
So.. I felt this ticket was well-deserved. It had to come eventually, right?
Anyway, I really need to go study for my exams..
LJ