I had an odd dream last night.. I dreamt I had a baby. Not, like, went through the birthing process, but like, I was taking care of a tiny baby and holding it in my arms, and it was mine. And other people were telling me how to take care of it. Like.. if the baby was crying [aka, being "bad"], you were supposed to lock it in the dark in this locker thing for a little while. They were trying to get me to do it. But I stood up to them and told them, "No! I will not have my baby turn out fucked up like me! I don't believe in this and I don't believe in your religion, so I'm not doing this!" And I ran off with my baby..
And.. even though right now is a horrible time to have a baby.. It just left me with a weird feeling this morning..
Like.. I kinda want one, but I can't. Not in the middle of all this chaos in my life..
But.. I remember.. in my dream.. Feeling and caressing those tiny little hands.. Pressing that soft little body close to my chest.. Tenderly keeping its head in the crutch of my arm.. Those blue eyes looking at me with complete trust and hope..
Wow..
LJ