I've been becoming bolder today.
I think it's the absence of the husband guy. He's been out all day. The quietness and freedom soothes me. And makes me stronger.
Today I tried phoning an old friend. I only got an answering machine, but I tried nonetheless. Even left a message.
Today I finally asked someone in my busines statistics group for help with my book situation. I even had to catch up to her outside of the classroom, since she left so fast after class. Very unlike me. [The normal me of late would have just said, "oh well.." and decided it was too much effort.] I asked her if she was using her book over the weekend. She was, but then I asked if I could make copies at the library real quick. [I work there and can make all the free copies I want.] She was very friendly and seemed happy to help. And she even seemed a bit shy and looked like she felt a little out of place as she waited for me to make copies. I could've been more friendly and inviting, make her feel more at ease, and I know that.
Today I ran into that old friend from freshman year as I was hurrying to get to work. The one who moved back into housing this semester. I did the usual, wave, smile, and say hello. And then I stopped myself from continuing on my way as I normally would have. And I asked her, "Are you doing anything this weekend?"
Not really.. A friend invited her, gave her a flyer, to go to a show on Saturday. And tonight, she was going to the ale house. Girls drink free. She said she'd call me later after class. And she did.
But I forgot I have this 8-hour online driving course to complete by Saturday. So I had to decline. But it opened the door a little more, at the very least...
Today I welcomed a phone call from a stranger. It was a wrong number, and she was trying to figure it out.. ["6650.." Yes, that's me..] But it was still wonderful to interact with another human being. I welcome any more accidental phone calls I get tonite!
I've been saying hello to more people. And smiling more. And overall being more at ease and more naturally conversational with people.
May I remind you, I've been afraid and too uncomfortable to speak to anyone so far this semester.. And now, all this..
It feels like he sucks away and eats at my life force when I'm around him. And now, just by his absence alone, I am rejuvenated. Like.. blowing air into a beach ball that has been deflated..
It's a wonderful thing, this having the place to myself. It does wonders for me.
Now, if only he didn't have to come back home tonite...
Ah well.. Back to online traffic school..
LJ