I was thinking on the bus ride home today..
I really do have the makings to be some kind of eccentric artist of some sort.. My moodswings and erratic behavior towards people who try to get close to me.. Y'know.. the sort of thing where VanGogh cut off his ear.. And.. I don't know what else.. My mind is very cloudy..
I ran into a book the other day at work that studied the link between mental illness and creativity.. called.. Emotional Illness and Creativity by Richard D Chessick. Absolutely interesting stuff..
I feel like I'm in the middle of the absolute worst rut right now, though. Mentally, creatively.. I can't even figure out a new design for my site. I'm sick of this one. The most I do is tweak the colors, but I even fail horribly with that. I want to create.. But there is nothing..
And.. I think.. y'know.. I need and crave inspiration.. From anywhere.. But I usually find it in love.. and making love.. Without those two things, I think.. I feel really dead inside.. I have nowhere to channel energy.. And I have no source to gather energy from.. No way to express or release my sensuality..
My muse.. I don't have my muse..
I'm just.. stuck..
I can't even spit out a decent entry here anymore.
LJ