Ugh.. Picking at old wounds.. Geniushead, the husband guy, for some reason, had to start talking about how it's all my fault, the tragic ending of the love of a lifetime. That I lost something that could have been very meaningful in my life. Because I kissed a guy. Geniushead said he would've broken up with me, too. Good for him. So why hasn't he broken up with me by now..?
First I argued that the first love never came to see me. Not even on my birthday. When I'm stuck down here in a new foreign land and he promised. And.. I wanted to have a good birthday. Second, I argued that he had met that girl by then anyway. Was going with her to her homecoming dance. That hurt like a bitch. But I told him to go ahead because I didn't want to stop him from doing whatever he wanted. But maybe that doesn't justify what I did. But it tells you there were "things" or "issues" going on. So maybe it's all my fault. But maybe it's what Dan wanted anyway.
I go by what I'm told. The first love told me he wouldn't break up with me over the kissing. Geniushead said last night that that's just something that he said. A pride thing, maybe? Well.. Dan did tell me that it did show him that I didn't take our relationship seriously. In some ways, him not coming down here for support - when he's the reason I came down here in the first place - and then going with the other girl to her homecoming dance.. Those things showed me he wasn't serious. And we both were hinting at notions of wanting to "explore."
So "explore" we did.
But.. like I said.. I just go by what I'm told. First, I was a "manipulative bitch", which.. okay, maybe that was a backlash for being hurt.
Wait. He was hurt?
Nahhhh..
But he seems to think now that "we never had a chance." Too young, that sort of thing.. Which, I agree we were young, but.. as far as a chance, I tend to disagree with on that, but.. I can't change his mind. And I'm not gonna try.
'Never wanted him to change his mind.. 'Always just wanted him to do what he wanted to do.. [oh. all except for the jealous period i went through.]
So is it my fault..?
Perhaps..
But maybe it's what he wanted. And I can be happier knowing he's happier for it.
Even if I'm left to melt in my own feces like the wicked witch that I am..
But.. Finally, I had to ask Geniushead: "What's the point to this conversation?"
LJ